Day 8

I finally have decided to quit drinking! It is probably the scariest thing I have ever done. One of the biggest obstacles right now is that my partner will continue to drink. They are not an alcoholic. So I am experiencing a lot of anger about them "getting to" still drink.
They are supportive of my not drinking...I became an angry & embarrassing drunk. They have taken care of me more times than I can remember...and also not remember with all my blackouts. But they still want to drink...and usually they go out without me to meet friends to be respectful of my not drinking. But I can't help but feel very left out. Like I am so boring. I am not in the "in crowd" anymore. I don't want to be resentful towards her and I don't want to keep her from living her life, but I don't know how to handle this.

She is going out tonight with her friend. She asked me if that would be okay. I was planning on asking her if she wanted to go see a movie with me after she got off of work, but I didn't have a chance to. Of course I said it was ok...she doesn't have to ask me permission to do stuff. It was more like a formality. What am I suppose to do...say no...then I will make her feel resentment towards me... she will start to feel caged in, isolated.

So i am goiong to be supportive of her desires. I am trying to find something for me to do on this Saturday night be myself. I did realize that all of our friends drink. I don't want to "belong to the AA club" cause it seems too clutish for me, and I don't like the religion thing and giving myself up to a higher power, but I am at a loss for support. There are some SMART programs that I like, but there aren't many meeting.

I do feel grateful that I have 8 days sober. But the future looks very scary. I am afraid that I will become unfun to my wife...and that we will drift apart. I am willing to do anything to to keep that from happening. She says she is more than willing to do the same. Does this work...having one sober person and one drinking (nonalcoholic) person in a relationship? I hope so cause we are deeply in love.